The First Date
February 24, 2009
Alright so here it is the long-awaited and anticipated blog about the FIRST DATE!
How did we meet?
In a bowling alley…that’s a pretty safe spot…right up there with the library, don’t you think? I was told by a male acquaintance later that some dudes have a certain action plan or “mindset” about girls that they meet at a bowling alley…HUH?! I didn’t get more info about that, but I think further investigation is warranted considering that I had no clue that there was a strategy used by some men who frequent bowling alleys. When I hear more about that…I will report back to you…lol! So anyways after flashing a smile and engaging in a brief conversation initiated by him…numbers were exchanged. Now let me tell you…This is sooooo not a Bernadette move. The last time I engaged in a random conversation with someone of the opposite sex and exchanged numbers for the purpose of getting to know each other I was 17! I am a very conservative person when it comes to talking to people I don’t know…there’s always the real fear that you’ll be talking to a Paul Bernardo or something…but I’m trying new things and I’ve decided that I need to be more open to meeting different people. Plus numbers of crazy men can be blocked…lol!
Setting up the date
I received a text from him the night of our first meeting saying that he would call the next day…I thought this was very nice! It quelled some of the jitters that were arising over doing something that I hadn’t done since I was 17! LOL! Anyways, the next day true to his word…another positive thing…he called and asked if we could go out. I agreed and a date was arranged for the following day. I told him that he could choose our activity, because remember I’m practicing allowing the guy to lead. He offered to pick me up at my house…ummmm NO! As my best friend says, “I don’t know you from a hole in the wall…” so ix-nay-on-the-knowing-where-I-live-ay! I told him I’d meet him on location, which was at a downtown theatre.
The Date
So we met up in front of the theatre. He paid for the tickets…another positive thing…but trust, believe and know that I had my just-in-case-you-pay-for-one-ticket-only-money ready to be whipped out. We chatted for the twenty minutes before the movie about our family lives, educational backgrounds and vocational experience. The standard getting-to-know-you conversation, which doesn’t really tell you that much about a person, but is necessary because it tells you a bit about a person’s character…Is he/she dedicated and steadfast enough to have completed some type of post-secondary education? Is she/he bouncing from job to job complaining about the people at every job who are conspiring to destroy them or do they possess the fortitude and tenacity to grow in one position before moving to another one? I will talk more about this stuff in another blog, but as a woman I am not trying to be gold digging when I casually ask about education and work experience. I am asking because it tells me a bit with the emphasis on “a bit” about who you are, your interests, and your character. Enough said. I digress…(smile)…so we chatted…good conversation overall and then went to see the movie…which by the way I let him choose as I figured that he probably wouldn’t want to have seen “He’s Just Not That Into You.” LOL! So I decideded to be accomodating without comprimising my values (cause I wasn’t trying to watch anybody’s “Bloody Valentine.” Oh no! Not putting that junk in my spirit)…Sorry, I digress again…(smile)…but I compromised in agreeing to watch an action flick that I definitely wouldn’t have gone to the theatre to see. Besides, since he was paying for the movie and given that there were no guarantees that we would be ever seeing each other again, I figured that at the least he would get the chance to have a fun evening watching a movie that he wanted to see with good company. So we watched the movie which was a very good flick…I didn’t fall asleep…I’m infamous for falling asleep in movie theatres! LOL!
At the End of the Date
Before we were about to part ways, he asked with a bit of intrepidation in his voice if we could…GO TO A HOTEL! What the JILL! (Sorry, that’s the Trini girl in me. LOL!) Yes, he sure did go there! So in as calm a voice that I could muster, I informed him that I was HIGHLY offended by his proposition and then I proceeded to ask him whether he would appreciate knowing that his younger sister was propositioned in such a manner. He told me not to go there and then stated after some thought that if she was over the age of 18 and wanted to have “fun” then it would be up to her discretion. WHAT?! WHAT’S FUN ABOUT SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE RANDOM?! I told him flatly and firmly that I was not that type of woman and that I was one to be treated with the utmost respect. I proceeded to tell him that it was imperative for him as a man to treat all women as he would desire for his mother or sister to be treated. He apologized profusely for offending me. However, before we actually parted ways he asked if he could have a kiss. WHAT?! DID HE MISS EACH AND EVERY SOCIAL AND VERBAL CUE THAT I JUST GAVE HIM?! I told him no. He then asked if we could go out again. I told him that I would have to consider it. And with that, THE DATE WAS OVER!
Post-Date Debrief
Okay so please don’t believe that it is my desire to put this guy or any other guy on blast. As I’ve stated a number of times this thing is more about me trying to meet new people. So if I discover that someone doesn’t fit my personal criterion I am not going to flip out and blog about it. I am not perfect and neither are the people that I meet and as they say, “what is one [wo]man’s junk is another [wo]man’s treasure.” So I state in bold letters it is not my intention, desire or Christian duty to tear people apart after going on dates with them. However, I will and I actually feel obliged to write about experiences that need to be discussed in a wider forum because they represent issues that should and need to be talked about. This here is one of them. I know that as a Christian woman I share different values than others…I totally get that. But since when is self-respect and dignity just a Christian value? Today our world is rampant with all types of STD’s and let’s not fool ourselves into believing that AIDS and HIV are viruses that are circulating only on the continent of Africa. Plus, what about unwanted pregnancies? Condoms and birth control pills are not fool proof. Is it worth being linked to someone for life because of the need to hook up for one night of some half-hour-not-so-great-sex. Cause really how great and fulfilling can it be when you do not have an emotional, mental or spiritual connection with the person? There’s much more to say, but I hope that I have presented some food for thought.
FYI – I will be conversing with my first date again to much of my friends chagrin! I am very curious and intrigued to have this very same conversation with him. Our date was a learning experience and I believe that we could learn much more from each other in discussing our differing views about sex before marriage.
Alright lastly things that I personally learned from the first date…which from henceforth will be the focus of my subsequent date blogs.
Things I’ve learned from the FIRST DATE
- If you are meeting on the random. Let your first date be at a coffee shop in the bright of the day. I gotta tell you that after this experience I was tempted to write off this method of meeting people, but I know that to do so would be throwing out the baby with the bath water. Cause I have a friend who got married recently to a gentleman that she met in an unexpected place on an unexpected day. So instead of writing it off, I asked myself what could I do to make this a more enjoyable experience…and I decided that a half-hour coffee date would be more appropriate. That way I or he could bounce if we felt like the conversation was absolute torture.
- Don’t feel pressured to be so nice to someone that you compromise yourself and your safety. If you feel like someone is putting you in a place that is comprimising or uncomfortable then speak up and make an exit. Women today are in dire need of practicing how to communicate their values to members of the opposite sex.
- No more movie dates on the first date. So much of your time is spent watching the movie that you can’t get a chance to get to know each other.
So what are your thoughts and comments. Do you think I blew everything out of proportion? How would you have responded to the situation? Let’s talk about this!
Until next time,
Bernadette A
a.k.a. The Pink Blogger
Please note: In this blog, I am speaking as one who possesses and lives by Christian values and ethics, but I am trying to argue as one who is trying to appeal to those who may not possess my same values but who I’d like to challenge to consider the rationale and invaluable principles behind the values that I possess.
Well, this sounds very interesting to me. I think it is very unfortunate that this is what a “first date” looks like in 2009. How on earth is it acceptable to ANYBODY to invite a person they just met to their bed? From what I’ve been hearing, this is what goes on in “grown up” dating these days. Have we no shame… no self-respect… no values… no decorum… no common decency? I’m offended at the prospect that I shouldn’t be surprised by a lewd proposition at the end of a date! I guess my value system is different.
Pink Blogger… please be very careful about the men you choose to date and the communication you have following a “CRAZY” date. It is true, you can look at this as an opportunity to show this young man a different way of living. However, his apparant lack of concern following your discussion, and subsequent request for a “KISS” indicates he couldn’t care less about another way! It seems as though he does this sort of thing on a regular and you seem to be the only one who actually turned him down! You let him know how he should be treating women… it’s probably time to DUST OFF YOUR SANDALS and move on!!! Certain people should only be in your life for a brief second to teach you something and for them to receive something from you… that transaction is COMPLETE! No need for call backs!
Be Blessed
interesting . . . no need to follow-up with Date#1. Leave it alone. interesting . . .
Sorry to say girl, but you missed it. It sounds as though You may have misread or been oblivious to cues that would not have been missed by those on the scene or perhaps non-Christian women. First off,,, NEVER NEVER give them your number right off. That’s a clue right there. That’s what email is for, girl, whats up???? You will be surprised what a few well constructed emails can reveal. By giving him the number right off you are telling him that you are naive and inexperienced.
Should you feel safe after exchanging a few emails to give him your number, make sure you talk to him for HOURS. At least 3. Not necessairly all at the same time. But you want an opportunity to get him with his guard down. Note what he says and what he doesn’t say. More importantly, how does he say what he does say?
Put God up front. Does he shy away from the topic or welcome it. Is he open or scared?
My question to you is this: what were you doing in a bowling alley by yourself anyways?
Anyhow, I agree with Derek, no need to “follow-up” on that one. FREAK!!!
If you are looking to date, here’s a nice site for you, Adventist singles.com or something like that. Try it. Over and out.
Wowwwwww!!! I was not expecting that ending….being male and all I was still shocked Mr. had the audacity and dirtiness to ask you to go to a hotel!!! What???!!!! Are you serious??
Maybe I have lived a sheltered life and I do not get out enough….and maybe I do not have that kind of friend…because I would not think that even my non-Christian friends would ask someone to go to a hotel on the first date….but I’ve seen it on TV anyway so I guess some things we saw on TV growing up happen just like the script-writers say they do…
I agree with you that movies are not good for the first date. Did you tell him you would have to consider another date for safety reasons, to be polite, or because it was the truth (I’m thinking it was not something you would consider…I do understand why it is not a good idea to tell some people the truth to their face, especially as a woman)?
Thank you for your posts everyone. It is with much prayer and consideration that I reviewed your comments. A few points of clarification: I was not in the bowling alley alone…I was with a group; my intentions in embarking on this “12 dates in 12 months” journey is not to find a husband, but to MEET NEW PEOPLE! As such, my plans of action are different than if my desire was to find a husband. If I were looking for a husband I wouldn’t be entertaining dates with non-Christians because I take seriously the scriptural heed that states: “Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers.” I do concur with what I believe is the underlying sentiment of those comments which have been left and that’s…BE CAREFUL. I thank you all for the practical advice that has been left and I will use that which is applicable to my specific situation.
Blessings all!
Bernadette A
A.k.a. The Pink Blogger
AHAHAHAH LOLLOL… What the JILL… u kill me Berni…
and no you did not blow things up, YOu actually held it down.