To ask or not to ask? That is a darn good question!

Welcome to week 2 of my 12 Dates in 12 Months journey!

I’ve had a lot of people ask me if I’ve been on my first date yet…the resounding answer to that question is “No.  These things take time.”  What kinda time do I need?  Why can’t I just go on out there and start asking people on dates and dating different folks?  Two reasons:

Reason #1

It is not my intention to just go on 12 random dates for the sake of saying, “goal reached.”  I am purposefully trying to meet new people and that means attempting to cultivate real friendships that will hopefully last after the “first date.” 

Reason #2

I will not be asking anyone on the first date!  Oh yes…and so the stakes are raised.  You see I am a firm believer that there are some gender roles that although very traditional need not be messed with.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the independent woman who can pay her bills and handle her own…and I’m all about the strong man who works inside of the home with his children while his wife works outside of the home paying the bills.  I’m not suggesting that women should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, while men should be the family’s primary breadwinner.  Nope you won’t hear that mess coming from me!  But what you will hear me say is that there are certain roles that men and women should uphold in order to ensure that a relationship works optimally. 

I believe that the man should be the one who steers the relationship…both dating and marital.  According to the Bible a man is called to be the head of his home (Eph. 5:23; 1 Cor. 11:3).   And the women’s role is to be submissive to her husband’s headship (Eph. 5:24)…I know that made some of you cringe…lol!  And to be honest it made me cringe when I first read it!  I told God, ”Oh no!  That is crazy and it’s not happening in my household…ix nay on the submission ay.”  FYI – This blog will be part one of two.  I’ll talk about a man’s headship in the first part and then a women’s submission in part two…cause there is just too much stuff to talk about

So as I was saying I have committed to not asking anyone on a date so that I can assist my male friends with developing their role as “head” in the relationship  What does being the head mean?  It means being the leader, the head cahonna, the chief honcho, you get the pic…  What else does it mean?

Well firstly, as the head of the relationship the man is responsible for leading his family (this means making major decisions…of course with the assistance and input of his female counterpart, but primarily the decision making should rest upon his shoulders).  Secondly, as the head of the relationship the man is responsible for protecting his family (that’s not just physical protection…I’m also talking about emotional, spiritual, and financial protection too!).  Thirdly, the male is responsible for being a provider (in my opinion this does not necessarily have to mean financial provision…now a days with people possessing varying education and vocational levels…it may be entirely possible and acceptable for a woman to be out in the workforce, while a man stays at home to watch the children…and might I add there are some don’t-step-in-front-of-the-tv-while-I’m-watching-the-game-Axe-wearing-I-am-a-man’s-man who hold it down on the homefront…and look darn good doing it too!) .  So these are just a couple of the criterions that are indicative of a male’s headship role. 

So when a female decides that she is going to ask a man out on a first date, to marry her, etc.  I believe you are messing with the man’s God-given abilities to lead and direct the relationship.  Oh I know that I’ve stepped on some toes with that one…ouch!  But heck ladies I believe its the truth!  If a man wants to get to know you…he’ll ask you out on that first date.  If he wants to date you exclusively ’cause he’s feeling that you might be the one…oh he will for darn sure tell you (no ambiguity).  And the big one…[drum roll please]… if he wants to marry you…he’ll buy the ring and bend on one knee.  No need for ultimatums, coercion, etc.  When a man knows what he wants…he goes after it!  Period!  I know a lot of women love to nurture and coddle their men, to make all the decisions,  to plan every detail, to lead and let him follow…but I guarantee you that if that’s the way you start the relationship, that’s the way it’s going to be ’till “thy kingdom come!”  Be prepared to almost single-handedly decide what house your going to buy, where to vacation, whether you should have two or three children, whether you should move out of the country, etc.  If you don’t allow a man to lead, provide, protect, and just plain be the head of the relationship now, then don’t expect him to just automatically have a vested interest and firm opinion later on.  Cause you’ve taken on the role of his momma and his momma/wife/girlfriend you gonna be for the rest of your relationship.

Ahh…this blogging stuff’s good for the soul!  LOL!  So there it is…I will not be asking anyone on a date so that I can give my male friends the opportunity to lead, as that’s what they were born to do, and so that I can…[gulp]…submit…like I’m supposed to!  LOL!  It is a learning and growing process for both parties…and one that I’m glad to do!  So stay tuned for next week’s blog about females and submission…coming out on Wed. Feb. 11 at midnight! 

“Sure it’s the 21st century, sure you can ask, sure it’s hip to ask, but in the end it’s a silly decision that is only based on your pride and your fear that the right guy will never come at the right time to ask you out the right way.” 

Excerpt from the Art of the First Date, by Hayley & Michael DiMarco, p. 30

As always, I welcome your comments, questions, and I-can’t-believe-you-said-that mail.  Email me at thepinkblogger@hotmail.com or better yet post your comment/question below for all to see.

Until next time mes amigos!

Bernadette A

The Pink Blogger

P.S.  There was so much more to say about this topic…but I’ve got 50 more blogs to go…I sure will get around to it!

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